If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
