My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
