I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
