He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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