What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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