Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
