Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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