Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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