i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
