hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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