I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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