How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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