Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
