Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
