hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize