Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
