I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
