You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
