So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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