I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
