My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
