wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
