Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
