gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
