Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
