i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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