oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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