Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
