I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
