you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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