I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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