Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
