I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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