i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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