Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
