I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
