I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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