what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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