Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
