i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am available for nakedness
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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