You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
