Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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