I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
