I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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