Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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