PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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