Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
