I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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