you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
