White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
