What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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