don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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