I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
