Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
