My liver just broke up with me...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
