my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
