Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
