I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
