Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
