There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
