he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
