Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I need to stop coming to work sober
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The air taste purple.
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