shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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