I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
