Apparently you make a good broom.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
