I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
