buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
