I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This girl is more easily done than said...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
