my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize