this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize